Googly eyes

Needs to be stopped.  I’m told I’m the bigger culprit but it goes both ways. Which is a relief. If I had a dollar for the phrase “start dating that girl already” I’ve heard from the gang over the past month, I would be a rich man by now. I feel like I’m back in high school days. Not a bad thing at all.

Memento

I wish you did not give up dancing. I never saw you professionally dance but I believe you’re the most talented young classical dancer India never had. It’s not flattery. This is what I believe.  I have spoken.

By the way, why does every girl in this photo except you seem like a huge bitch? Especially J in the left middle? What’s with dancers tending to be refined bitches anyway?

Naivete

Listen up, people, whenever you hear a teen/post-teen girl say:

“even if i i break up can’t see any other man”

” now i can’t be with anyone else”

“i’ll have to remain single”

“i’ll have to remain single for the rest of my life”

i feel i love him much more than i used to…but he doesn’t say nothin'”

and close variations of the above, rest assured the bloke in question has did the job on her. And know this for sure that it was her first time. Hello, someone popped the cherry.

Man, it’s for stuff like this we have bubble gum pop, all-women alt.rock bands and a steady flow of B-grade Hollywood/Bollywood romantic comedies.

Innocence. Good times. Goodness.

You know

most people in this world don’t get what they deserve. There’s probably a mathematical design behind which someday a Ramanujan or Neumann incarnate will uncover.

You are one of the lucky few to be in the greener side of the grass. Lucky you.

Funny, ain’t it? How people change over such few years in between. How did you tug yourself down to such mediocrity?! Wait, I don’t want to know ’cause I already know. You ma’am deserve your destiny.

I have a lot more to say about this but my disappointment is so great I don’t even know where to begin.

Boyfriends of ex-girlfriends

Last night i got the sms from, we’ll call her Mahadevi (don’t ask why) i was praying i wouldn’t have to get. I quote it and my reply verbatim.

MD: “hey, i’m missin u a lot. remember u said u will mt me at d PC gates after d xam? pls pls come. r u comin 2mrw 4 d xam?”

Me:  “no, i’m not coming. i have an important meeting in Washington with president Bush.”

My fate was sealed. I knew what was coming.

As expected while i cursed myself outside the PC gates on screwing up the easiest maths paper in the history of the university with last minute screw-ups and there she was. On my cell.

MD: “are you outside the gates?”

Me: “No, i’m inside you.”

“shut up. come up to the coffee house.”

“why don’t you come down?”

“please please come up? it’s just across the street.”

“why don’t you listen to me for once and come down?”

This went on for 4 minutes.

I had my reasons for not crossing the street. For one, i knew what was going to happen if i went and the lunch would bore me enough to sell my soul to satan in lieu of a candy bar. I was hungry after 3 hours dueling bloody maths but not hungry enough to go through a fake smile boredom grinder. Besides i was really shit-housed looking really crappy in a tee with yellow food stains near the chest buttons, my hair all  over the place and was wearing a light mud-colored three-quarter pants (which ended 4 inches above my ankles) for which i was gaped at by every co-passenger, young women and random people as if i’m a retard who just got out after 9 years in a mental institution. This city is really slow picking on comfy apparels. Seriously. (More on this later.)

Anyway, she came down, and lo and behold! there was the boyfriend tugging along behind her as if she’s his mother. It almost made convulse into laughter in middle of all the busyness around.

Typical engineering grad. Same type of glasses, all too common hair setup, the smile, usual “i-work-in-a-cool-MNC-and-you’re-an-unemployed-sucker” vibe. I think they both deserve each other.

I smiled the “you are a lucky man” smile, patted on his shoulder and left arm and generally acted like the most agreeable chump around. Poor soul. I wanted to pull him aside and say “what in god’s name are you doing man? If you want a fling you’re only cockteasing yourself. She’s pruder than a Vatican nun from hicksville, Kansas. You’ve better chance to be Governor of redneck Texas. If you’re really serious with her, then well, good luck buddy.”

I wanted to get away as fast as i can so we small talked for a few minutes. I was offered lunch but i begged off saying my father was waiting for me to have lunch together (who incidentally is in the Far East). I asked when did he came from Pune and how’s the long distance thing working and all that shit.

I scurried back home quick. I was hungry. Well, there goes another 15 precious minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Meeting with friends’ boyfriends/girlfriends always cracks me up. You can really have fun for a while. But meeting with some new guy of your ex is awkward and plain boring. I mean we’re both through with each other so why do you want to show and tell especially when the showpiece is not someone George Clooney handsome, rich or genuinely uber-cool and show-worthy enough to make your ex feel like a dick? As if even if he was George Clooney i would wallow in self-loathing and regret.

Look, we had our good times thank you very much. You’ve nothing to prove to me. So who are you trying to convince?