Little lies. Those sweet little lies were always hilarious. In the end, it almost became too hilarious.

If you were to be a mythical creature, you would’ve been the fiery Juno.

Life is funnier when it happens to somebody else. Such sadists we are.

Footprints

I have known for sometime now that you’ve been having peeks on this blog since i introduced you to it. Take today for instance. And you haven’t stopped visiting even after everything. Digital footprints we all have. I’m not surprised. Or maybe i am, in a way? I’m amused, though.

You didn’t tell me if you actually read every post, unless it seemed it was about you. You didn’t tell me if remnant of your childhood dyslexia was getting in your way of reading long winded blah. A lot of things were left unsaid but i guessed anyway. I’m not very bad at guesswork. Tell me i’m wrong this time. Knowing would be nice.

You know, growing up is a bitch. And such fun still ! In the end, it’s only causality that you were standing by the roadside while i went  on through the endless cycles of everyday catharsis.

May playlist

The Top 10 played songs in my default jukebox application (in alphabetical order of artists) in the messy month of May. Maybe i should’ve listened to more sunshiny songs to lift myself up from the late night bad dreams?

1. Hate Me — Blue October.

2 .Maybe — Collective Soul.

3. Why? (Part 2) — Collective Soul.

4. Transatlanticism — Death Cab For Cutie.

5. A Bad Dream — Keane.

6. Porcelain — Moby.

7. Save Yourself — Sense Field.

8. Your Ex-Lover is Dead — Stars.

9. I Dare You To Move — Switchfoot.

10. The Humpty Dumpty Love Song — Travis.

The Flag

The phone rings, it’s early, it’s seven o’clock.
He says sorry I woke you, but I just had to talk
You know last night, remember when I tried to choke you?
I didn’t mean it, I was drunk, it was only a joke.
You should know that by now,
when the checquered flag comes down,
no one no one no one has won the race

The next night he’s over and over and under
and after he’s finished she lies there and wonders
just why does she need him and why does she stay here
and then in the darkness she’ll quietly say Dear,
you’ve never really known that when the white flag is flown,
no one no one no one has won the war.

They’re complicated people
leading complicated lives,
and he complicates their problems
by telling complicated lies
He tells her he’s sorry, she tells him it’s over,
he tells her he’s sorry, she says over and over
You’ve never really known that when the white flag is flown,
no one no one no one has won the war……………

buzzing in my head for hours.
— by Barenaked Ladies [Gordon, 1992].
Here’s one nice youtube cover (lyrics are a bit off, though).

			

Tumbling down the rabbit hole…

to nowhereland. The dreamlike directionless of the times is swallowing my insides like a starving Amazon Anaconda. Dreamstate is good. Directionlessness, not. Considering the past few days I have no doubt in my mind, none whatsoever, that I should’ve ditched the laptop and gone to Ladakh instead. Even as I type this in Windows Live Writer, which seems to be one of the few handful programs of use in the bloatware called Windows Vista, the emptiness surrounds me. Why is it so empty?

Don’t cancel plans the last moment. I always said that to meself. I should have gone alone. I really should have. D is of the opinion Ladakh is going nowhere. Of course it isn’t. As a matter of fact, June/July, 2010 would be a nice time for Ladakh-ing after a hectic freshman year at Charlottesville. But that’s not the point, is it?  I should have been a quarter of my way in from Manali to Leh by now in an off-roader soaking in the mountain summer sun. I mean, God, I’m still mooning over this shitfest. Unbelievable!

The electricity’s gone, as usual. Nothing seems to stay on in this state. There’s a crow squatting in the neighbor’s balcony for the last 20 minutes. He (she?) seems to be in a state of deep philosophical contemplation. Sigh. We grow older, people move away from us. I don’t mean death. Rather, they just move away once their interests have been satisfied, or when they get bored. I know I have. It’s a tragicomedy of time. We grow up, people move away and we get older. The cycle continues.

Something’s just not right. I can’t pinpoint exactly what but, something. I wasn’t supposed to be writing this post, for instance. I was supposed to be somewhere else with somebody doing something else and not just sitting here contemplating what went wrong. Everything happened so fast or maybe time is playing tricks on me.

Blogging used to be a way of catharsis. Even that isn’t working. Enough already. Nothing here excites me anymore. Wait for August I can’t.