May playlist

The Top 10 played songs in my default jukebox application (in alphabetical order of artists) in the messy month of May. Maybe i should’ve listened to more sunshiny songs to lift myself up from the late night bad dreams?

1. Hate Me — Blue October.

2 .Maybe — Collective Soul.

3. Why? (Part 2) — Collective Soul.

4. Transatlanticism — Death Cab For Cutie.

5. A Bad Dream — Keane.

6. Porcelain — Moby.

7. Save Yourself — Sense Field.

8. Your Ex-Lover is Dead — Stars.

9. I Dare You To Move — Switchfoot.

10. The Humpty Dumpty Love Song — Travis.

The Flag

The phone rings, it’s early, it’s seven o’clock.
He says sorry I woke you, but I just had to talk
You know last night, remember when I tried to choke you?
I didn’t mean it, I was drunk, it was only a joke.
You should know that by now,
when the checquered flag comes down,
no one no one no one has won the race

The next night he’s over and over and under
and after he’s finished she lies there and wonders
just why does she need him and why does she stay here
and then in the darkness she’ll quietly say Dear,
you’ve never really known that when the white flag is flown,
no one no one no one has won the war.

They’re complicated people
leading complicated lives,
and he complicates their problems
by telling complicated lies
He tells her he’s sorry, she tells him it’s over,
he tells her he’s sorry, she says over and over
You’ve never really known that when the white flag is flown,
no one no one no one has won the war……………

buzzing in my head for hours.

– by Barenaked Ladies [Gordon, 1992].

Here’s one nice youtube cover (lyrics are a bit off, though).

Tumbling down the rabbit hole…

to nowhereland. The dreamlike directionless of the times is swallowing my insides like a starving Amazon Anaconda. Dreamstate is good. Directionlessness, not. Considering the past few days I have no doubt in my mind, none whatsoever, that I should’ve ditched the laptop and gone to Ladakh instead. Even as I type this in Windows Live Writer, which seems to be one of the few handful programs of use in the bloatware called Windows Vista, the emptiness surrounds me. Why is it so empty?

Don’t cancel plans the last moment. I always said that to meself. I should have gone alone. I really should have. D is of the opinion Ladakh is going nowhere. Of course it isn’t. As a matter of fact, June/July, 2010 would be a nice time for Ladakh-ing after a hectic freshman year at Charlottesville. But that’s not the point, is it?  I should have been a quarter of my way in from Manali to Leh by now in an off-roader soaking in the mountain summer sun. I mean, God, I’m still mooning over this shitfest. Unbelievable!

The electricity’s gone, as usual. Nothing seems to stay on in this state. There’s a crow squatting in the neighbor’s balcony for the last 20 minutes. He (she?) seems to be in a state of deep philosophical contemplation. Sigh. We grow older, people move away from us. I don’t mean death. Rather, they just move away once their interests have been satisfied, or when they get bored. I know I have. It’s a tragicomedy of time. We grow up, people move away and we get older. The cycle continues.

Something’s just not right. I can’t pinpoint exactly what but, something. I wasn’t supposed to be writing this post, for instance. I was supposed to be somewhere else with somebody doing something else and not just sitting here contemplating what went wrong. Everything happened so fast or maybe time is playing tricks on me.

Blogging used to be a way of catharsis. Even that isn’t working. Enough already. Nothing here excites me anymore. Wait for August I can’t.

Novocaine

i need some. i’m trying to numb down the extremes of the negative emotions i’ve gathered throughout May. Negative emotions, anger for instance. Does behaving like a territorial alpha male count as negative? In this case, i think so.

The time has come for getting some fresh air. Now that too is a no-go. I have resigned myself to fiddling with the new laptop and reading Lolita on a monsoon afternoon. Bad call i know. i should’ve ditched the laptop and gone to Ladakh instead. What a waste!

Transatlanticism

By Death Cab For Cutie. The Song, not the album’s been buzzing in me atrophying brain for the last one week or so.  It’s always so. There’s this song or that travels through the corridors of mind for days. Then, phoom. Gone. But this one doesn’t want to leave.

This song is poetry. Deep.

(the unofficial video is a tad too mushy, but, well made for an unofficial video. Fits the song well.)